Op-ed
The Road To Secession
BY JOHN J. COX

I was strolling down an aisle inside the Home Depot on Northern Boulevard when I bumped into my old pal, Vernon Jackson. He was pricing portable generators.

"Summer's here," said Vernon, "and I don't plan on spending it the way I did last year - no lights, no refrigerator, no television, no fans. No sir, this summer I'll be ready when the power goes off. One thing I'm not going to do is trust anything Con Ed says."

"These generators are pretty expensive," I noted.

"It's not so bad," Vernon replied. "My landlady, Mrs. Lowery, is splitting the cost with me. She feels the way I do about Con Ed."

Vernon selected one of the larger models and I offered to help him load it into his van. When we got to the parking lot I saw Vernon's old beat-up van and I noticed a sign affixed to its rear window. In bold letters it stated: "Congestion Pricing? Support Secession!" And when Vernon opened the rear door I saw a cardboard box filled with hundreds of pages. "These are petitions," Vernon explained. "Would you like to sign?"

"Petitions for what?" I calmly asked.

"Petitions to secede. If the congestion pricing plan goes into effect, then I want Queens, Brooklyn, The Bronx and Staten Island to secede from the City of New York. After all, we didn't become a part of New York City until the Act of Consolidation in 1898. Before that, New York City was nothing more than the island of Manhattan."

"But," I inquired, "why ever would you want to go back to the way things were before consolidation?"

"Because this congestion pricing thing is a bad idea. Why should I have to pay $8 just to drive into Manhattan? Are we all part of just one city or not?"

"Well," I said, "the idea is to reduce traffic congestion and auto emissions in that area."

"Nonsense," Vernon responded. "This is just another way for the city to fill its coffers by soaking the working class. Let me ask you this: Under the plan, why aren't Manhattan residents required to pay $8 to drive into the other boroughs? Are they supposed to be special or something?"

I had to admit he had a point.

Vernon continued: "Just think about all those wealthy Manhattanites who drive those gas-guzzling SUVs out to the Hamptons or the Jersey shore or the Berkshires. How are they going to get there without driving through one of the other boroughs? And why shouldn't we be allowed to reduce the auto emissions in OUR air and the traffic congestion on OUR parkways and expressways? Why should we be discriminated against? Think of all the Manhattan yuppies and celebrities who spend their weekends partying in the Hamptons. Think about all the corporate big shots who use our roads to get to the airports. If we have to pay to enter Manhattan, then they should have to pay to leave it. What's fair is fair."

We put the generator into the back of Vernon's van and secured it. Vernon thanked me for the assistance and got into the van. When he engaged the starter the van bounced, the engine coughed and misfired and a plume of black smoke rose into the air. Vernon put the van into gear and it lurched forward as more smoke belched from the exhaust pipe. "Have a nice summer," he yelled as the van sputtered out of the parking lot and onto Northern Boulevard.

As I watched him go I smiled and shook my head. "Good old Vernon," I thought. "He's always up to something." I turned and started for my car, then stopped abruptly. "Wait a minute," I said to myself. I turned and ran across the lot toward the Boulevard, chasing Vernon. "Stop, Vernon!" I hollered. "Wait up! I forgot to sign the petition."

John J. Cox is a Woodside resident.