Making the Unthinkable Less Painful
BY LARRY SCRIBE T
he harsh reality is that life will kill you. People may avoid taxes but the old saying is true that death cannot be avoided. The shocking events of 9/11 made many consider their own Tmortality. The losses of that day caused people to consider what they would do, or want done if they or loved ones were suddenly taken.

We rely upon the services of funeral directors and cemeteries. They are the first responders when we suffer the death of a loved one. We depend upon them to guide us through the complexities created by the end of life. Most peoples first contact with the "death care" industry is when need forces them to confront the decisions that could have, and many insist, should have, been made years before.

Curiosity inspired an inquiry to learn of the choices that are available today. We found that consumers have many options to consider with variations that can reflect personal preferences. Most funeral directors offer "preneed" options that are placed into trust accounts governed by the state of New York. The state regulates what can be done with the funds ensuring the public that the purchaser will receive exactly what they decided upon when the time arises.

Diversity of options that reflect major differences can be found among cemeteries. Cemeteries, except religious ones, are under the supervision of the New York Department of State, Division of Cemeteries. Having attended memorial services for the September 11th Port Authority Police Officers and the 76 Queens firefighters, and Scott Joplin concerts at St. Michael's Cemetery, we began by establishing what they offer. St. Michael's, a religious cemetery open to all faiths, as things turn out offers more variety of options and lenient financing of "pre-need" selection of memorial property than does most others.

The consensus is that a time of loss is the wrong time to face the decisions that must be made. The stress suffered can cause some to make poor and expensive decisions that hindsight would have chosen otherwise. Added to the stress of selecting the property the loved one would have wanted is the cold reality that at a time of loss the full cost must be paid. This is true for both funeral director and the cemetery expenses. The financial burden can rip the economic heart out of a family.

Purchasing in advance of a loss ("preneed" is the industry term) removes stress from the selection process and provides extended payment programs that permit a family to pay over time costs that would otherwise be devastating. Opinion has changed so that it appears harsh to force loved ones the burden of figuring out what a deceased would want and the requirements for paying the bill.

Though most cemeteries permit paying for memorial property over time, some charge interest, much like any consumer purchase. St. Michael's Cemetery does not charge interest and allows a small down payment to secure the desired memorial property. The consumer is billed monthly until the balance is paid off. In this way, a family can, with relative ease, avoid the burden of paying at one time a bill that could be easily managed over time.

Cemeteries have the right to set rules for memorializing loved ones. Many operate as if all that is needed is to house the departed. Others permit varying means to remember our loved ones. It was surprising that some cemeteries frown upon, discourage or totally refuse to permit families to honor their loved ones by rejecting memorial tributes. Some cemeteries have the belief that they alone have the right to dictate how we remember our loved ones.

St. Michael's may be unique in this respect. It permits cameos (photos), vases for flowers, memory medallions, memorial plantings and benches and in some areas electrified flickering candles that look like a real wax candle. To satisfy all, St. Michael's is open for visitation every day of the year, while its office is open every day but Christmas and New Year's.

As reported previously, St. Michael's has become involved in the daily life of the community and has reached out to the citizens of the city of New York. St. Michael's some years ago announced that its purpose was to celebrate life, rejecting that a cemetery is a warehouse of the past. Families have come to depend upon St. Michael's and elected officials participate in the services held at the cemetery.

For various reasons, the recent trend is for individuals and families to include in their discussions end of life considerations. This interest is altering the service providers and the options they are responding with. Funeral directors and cemeteries believe planning has rewards. For those service providers who willingly address the demands of the consumers, the future promises mutual rewards.