Consolidated Euphemisms And Other Things I Learned In Blackout 2006
BY JOHN J. COX

I am a veteran of blackouts. I've survived the big ones in New York; 1965, 1977, 2003 and now 2006. But I must admit that it was only during this last one that I learned things that are really important.

For example, in the early stages of this one I learned that despite what my own eyes for years had been telling me, there are only about 2,000 users of electricity in all of Northwestern Queens. How did I learn this? Con Ed told me so, and my own mayor confirmed it.

I also learned the true meaning of "a restoration of power". It is this: transmission of current capable of lighting a single bulb so dimly that there is no need to blow out your candles.

I learned that 1) the loss of all your refrigerated food, 2) your inability to purchase more of it from local stores, 3) the loss of all your appliances, 4) the necessity of climbing flights of stairs in lieu of a non-working elevator, and 5) trying to sleep without drowning in your sweat-for days on end without any word about when, or if ever, the power would be turned on-is, in the words of the Chief Executive Officer of Con Ed and the mayor of New York City, a mere inconvenience.

I learned that the mayor is a very noble person, so noble, in fact, that he initially refused to come to Queens to do a "photo op" (his own words) because it might interfere with repair efforts. So noble is the mayor that when the news media challenged him on this point, he canceled the appointments he earlier said he could not cancel and rushed by motorcade to Astoria Park, a cadre of city commissioners, news reporters and camerapeople in tow. The mayor was so humble during the "photo op" that he deliberately affected a demeanor which suggested that he still didn't know why it was important for him to be there. And his evident disdain for the local Queens politicians who appeared there with him was so palpable that there was no mistaking the fact that the mayor is an anti-politician sort of guy, like one of us [he's] a real working-class type.

I learned, too, that cops tend to stand to the side of non-working traffic signals, doing nothing and preferring instead the shade offered by nearby trees and apartment buildings unless they're in an air-conditioned patrol car, in which case they tap the siren and, over the vehicle's public address speaker, implore some late-to-work and hapless motorist to clear the intersection, or else. Otherwise the cops don't do very much unless you happen to put, at your own expense, a refrigerated truck in front of your butcher shop to salvage whatever produce and meats you may still have. If the truck is there at a time when the street sweeper is supposed to pass by, the cops suddenly will spring into action and issue you a ticket.

And I learned this about the city's emergency response. On Day Eight of the crisis- as a local pizzeria at long last got enough power to reopen for business-the city then, and only then, sent a Salvation Army bus into the area, parked it 30 paces from the pizzeria at exactly noon, and proceeded all day long and into the evening to provide people with free meals. The meals consisted of (naturally) lasagna and baked ziti. As hundreds lined up for the free Italian food, the owner of the pizzeria looked on with an expression I am incapable of describing.

Now I am learning that everything is returning to normal.We can resume some of

our normal day-to-day routines-like taking a shower.We can do this now, even though, as I write, there are huge dieselpowered generators lined up and down the streets which, truth be told, are the actual source of power for the larger "users", apartment and commercial buildings. We are warned that once a day the power will be turned off as the generators' filters are cleaned. Of course, given the definition of an "inconvenience" nowadays, I certainly cannot be heard to complain.

But there is a silver lining. Originally I was told that if you filled out the appropriate form, Con Ed might reimburse you for lost food. If you had no receipts, you could get up to $150. On the other hand, if you are the type of person who keeps receipts for the frozen string beans or butter you bought couple of weeks ago, you might even get as much as $350!. Now I'm told that Con Ed, this time only, will not require receipts for claim up to $350. Think about all that uneaten pork fried rice that's been in the back of your refrigerator for the last year or so, Is this a bonanza, or what?

In closing I would be remiss if I did not heed the words of our mayor and thank Con Ed for the wonderful job it has done. After all, you are never too old to learn and I have learned a great deal in the last week or so. So thank you, Con Ed.

By the way, I also learned this: Capacity is a word frequently associated with electricity- and other things. For example, I no longer worry so much about al Qaeda's capacity to terrorize us. Instead, I now wake up each morning worrying more about Con Ed's power capacity. And the mayor's mental capacity.

John J. Cox is a resident of Woodside.